


Moments the Words Don't Reach

by AceQueenKing



Category: Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dreams and Nightmares, Family Drama, Fatherhood, Force Bond (Star Wars), Gen, disturbing imagery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-11 09:46:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13521660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceQueenKing/pseuds/AceQueenKing
Summary: Luke Skywalker finds himself in Vader's nightmare and learns more about his father than he would like to.





	Moments the Words Don't Reach

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thebigbengal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebigbengal/gifts).



Luke could not breathe.

He was burning, everything was burning. He reached out a hand only to find it melting metal; he reached out his other hand only to see a miserable stump. He moaned and tried to push himself forward on the hot, black tar, felt the cloth edges of his robes– _why was he wearing a robe_?–burning. The smell of burning flesh was all around him and it  _was_ him. Luke was dying and it hurt, it hurt so much. 

He knew it was fruitless but tried to claw forward again, even as he felt his arm melting, melting.  _Ben, help me!_  He called but Obi-Wan was gone, was gone and Leia -  _stars,_ where was Leia? He saw her with his mind eye - lying prone on a slim plank of metal, her braid listlessly curled to the side. She was far too still. He knew she would die without him but he could not help; he was dying too.

How had they got here? He had been on Tatooine, laying at Leia's side in Obi-Wan’s hovel off in the dunes. This world, like Tatooine, was hellish but Tatooine was not _this_ hell. Was it a dream? It felt too real, too real. He wanted to scream. 

But his lungs burned so badly.  

Where were the others? He tried to scan outward, feeling for Han and Chewie but they were gone; Lando, Wedge, all gone. All was silent. Everything was melting away and the universe was cold and _he felt so, so alone._

 _You are not alone_ , a familiar but unfamiliar voice whispered. Luke ignored it as he always did. The voice had been talking to him, more and more, and Luke feared it. The dark side was seductive, Yoda had said, and he believed it; it was not a romantic seduction, no, but merely an offering of everything he had ever wanted: an absent father, a sense of importance in the universe, a family who wanted nothing more than to hold him close - 

He tried to stand, to run, but he couldn't feel his legs. With great panic, he looked down and saw _stumps_ where his legs should have been. What _happened_ tohis legs? He opened his mouth and tried to scream but he couldn't, and a raw panic settled deep with his charred belly. His lungs were burning, he was _burning_ ,  _where was Ben_? He had always come when Luke needed him until Bepsin and _kriff_ , he had no choice on Bespin but Obi-Wan had abandoned him anyway–why had he abandoned him? Why hadn't old Ben told him?

 _He lied_ , the ignored yet unignorable voice whispered into Luke’s charred ear _.  Obi-Wan always told half-truths when it suited him but **I** have never lied to you and will not_.

And again he ignored it. That voice was dangerous and he could not call to it no matter how much he wanted to - 

He froze.  There was a growing presence around him that he was aware of; there was something, someone on the top of the hill holding the high ground. Luke reached out a hand and wanted to shout, though, of course, he could not–he knew who it was long before he appeared. 

He didn't look the same, this Vader. Oh, the height was still there, the imposing stance; he appeared over the top of the hill, stood with his feet moving straight through the heavy molten rock. He was unmasked, here, in a simple black robe with a black cape around him; he had short, clipped hair with Luke's coloring and Luke's own eyes stared downwards at him, piercing him.  No wonder Vader had claimed him as his whelp so quickly; the physical resemblance was strong. He felt the familiar gold and black thread of Vader’s consciousness curl around his mind as it had on Bespin and he screamed or tried to but of course, nothing came out.

 _No_. **_NO NO NO NO_** ; he thought toward Vader, screaming the sound mentally. as loud as he could. Vader, now standing above him, raised an eyebrow and made a soft sound - a sigh? 

He felt liquid running down his cheeks and Luke realized he was crying, he was _crying_...or were his eyes _melting_? He wondered if it was as disturbing for Vader to watch his face melt as it had been for Luke to behead him and see his own face.

 _Yes_ , Vader whispered but without words. There was no need for words here yet they were, talking.

 Vader raised an arm and lifted him with the force towards him. Luke wanted to cry out but could not; kriff, why didn't Vader didn't just let him die? He was burning, he was melting, he was dying, why couldn't Vader– _father_ –let him go?

 Vader snarled and Luke felt himself flying faster until he hit the dark one's shoulder. Vader–his father? –reached out to grip him and he pulled away, throwing himself back onto the ground. He had no choice, he had no arms, no legs, no lungs–

 C _alm yourself, child!_ Luke heard but did not hear.  _You are not burning_ ,  _my son,_  Vader's voice whispered, in a warm and sympathetic tone that sent ice through Luke’s veins.  _You are dreaming._

 He looked down and his legs were there, _his legs were there_! He was no longer burning but whole and healthy and  _alive -_

But this did not feel like a dream, despite his legs' sudden recovery. It was surely a trick!  He did not, could not believe Vader - 

  _I have never lied to you,_ the other man interjected but did not say. Vader folded his arms into his sleeves.  _Your panic is setting off headaches for force sensitives throughout the entire outer rim. Calm yourself. Now._

 Luke turned away. This was a world he had never been to, a dream that was not his - and even if Vader had sent him this dream, this trap– 

 Vader interrupted him with another sigh, then a muttered curse in Huttese thought _quite_ loudly, and that was odd too, that he could hear so many of this man's _thoughts -_ and Luke knew he was in danger. Vader, who had been such a closed book on Bespin - _wasn't_. The darkness must be growing, he was trying to be a good man and yet obviously, he was falling, falling without meaning to, but here he was, and here Vader was, and they could see one another plain and wasn't that  _just_ terrifying. Luke ran a hand over his scalp – his hair was back now too-and he took a shaky breath. He had been rescued, even if by someone he loathed, but he was not the only one here. _Leia_ was here and Leia was in danger and, unlike with Luke, Vader/father had no reason to keep her unharmed in this prison–

_Are you always so distrusting?_

Leia still needed him. He had to check on her. Had to. He couldn't forgive himself if she was in some sort of danger. Besides, he needed distance - Vader, here, was harder to ignore.  He ran away, a mental shout from Vader to wait unheeded. 

He couldn't explain how he knew the way on this strange lava planet but he did, jumping through different machinery to cut through the nightmarish factory that made up most of the planet.

 _Young one_ –Vader whispered, trying to grab his awareness in the force but Luke paid no attention; Vader was following, his feet hitting the same machinery, his arms swinging on the same vines. 

He found her on the plank he'd seen earlier; her chest was still and she wasn't breathing. Panic once more blossomed through him and he fell to his knees at her side, staring at her still chest in horror.  She wasn't breathing! He turned her face to try to breathe life into her, breathe _his_ life into her–and screamed when he saw her face. 

It was _not_ Leia. He did not know who it was, but it was _not_ Leia.

 _You cannot save her,_ Vader whispered through the force. Vader knelt at her head, gently cradling her head in his lap, mourning filling all of the space around them to the point that Luke felt once more as if he could not breath. Vader's gesture was surprisingly intimate and Luke wondered who she had been to either of them; a sister? Perhaps his–he could not bear to complete the thought.

 _I have tried many times_ , Vader said, a soft mental sigh punctuating his words. _I have thought so often of that day, of how I might have saved her...But never have I succeeded._

Luke stared at the lava planet and puffed out a deep breath, realizing quickly why nothing in this dream void made sense; the planet he had never seen, the mystery woman who he did not know, Vader's sudden appearance. 

This was not his dream; it was _Vader's._ His stomach twisted in horror. The lava, the burning - this had _happened_. Just not to him. 

And the woman, the not-Leia, she was, she was–

 _Your mother._ So, Vader had not put all his attention onto her despite appearances; he was still cradling her, a look of such agony on his face that even in a dream Luke had to stand and look away.

Though this demonstration in and of itself answered many questions. He had wondered about his mother, if he had been the product of violence, of rape - 

 _You dare to think such?!_ Vader shouted mentally and Luke winced. The skies of the planet darkened, almost roiling along with the hated he could feel emanating from Vader.

 _I don't know anything about you,_ he thought.  He didn't bother to project it; Vader read every thought he’d had heard with ease and he wondered if Vader could do the same when he was awake. He wanted so badly to awaken.  _Wake up_ , he willed himself, but he remained trapped here. How could he escape? It wasn't even his dream. 

Vader stood.

He reached out a hand and trapped Luke's palm in one elegant movement and Luke winced. Why hadn't he run when he had the chance? 

Stupid.

He refused to turn around, keeping his attention on the roiling lava below him.

 _I can read you when you are close, or when you think of me_ , Vader said; he blanched at that thought. How many rebel secrets could Vader pull from him, merely from physical or mental proximity? Vader no doubt heard the distasteful panic winging its way through his mind like a Gundark; he followed it up quickly with what Luke suspected was meant to be a comforting statement _: Otherwise, you are unknown to me, my son._

 _I guess that's why you abandoned me._ He felt ridiculous as soon as he thought it, bringing up the old scar that Vader's revelation had ripped open again, but it had been in his mind before he’d been able to stop it, the traitorous thought of the unknown yet not unloved Anakin Skywalker, still mourned despite all he had come to know of what had happened to the man.

Vader forcefully grabbed Luke’s chin, turning him around so that they were eye to eye. Even in dreams, Vader loomed above him. 

 _If I had known there was any chance you lived when she had perished,_ Vader thought, with an intensity that Luke felt vibrating through his bones. _I would have stopped at nothing to find you. **Nothing**. You would have never been cleft from my side, you would never feel the loss and confusion I feel from you now. That you have grown under another's guidance is unbearable to me...so much time lost! This is all Obi-Wan's fault!_

 Vader's eyes were turning color; a sickly yellow flowing through and replacing the blue. _He took you from me!  Stole you away!_

 Luke thought for a moment of Ben with sadness. Though Ben had lied,  knowing what he knew now... _He meant to protect me_ , he whispered.

 Vader's hand still did not leave his chin. On the contrary, he squeezed tighter now. He could not look away from the intense gaze,  so much like yet unlike his own. Obi-Wan would never have been able to breathe life into his lie had Vader not hid behind the mask...

  _You were never in danger from me_ , Vader hissed; that Luke knew to be a lie and countered, raising up his mechanical right hand and gently laying it on the arm that still held his throat in a silent rebuttal. 

 Vader's eyes flickered, blue flooding back. 

  _That- that was a mistake._ Vader's thoughts had something akin to apology in it, which was absurd from what the rebels had told Luke of the man. Vader wasn't known for apologies.  _One that would not have happened had you simply been where you were meant to be!_

 Vader was staring at him with an almost unfathomable expression; there was an intensity of sadness to him that Luke felt keenly. Even more so than Bespin, they were connected. For the first time, he extended his own hand outward, trying to touch the dark Lord's face. 

 Vader to his surprise leaned into the touch, shivering at Luke's palm connected with cold skin. Did he really look like this under the mask? Luke suspected he did not but knew well from his own attempts to find information on Vader that no holos of him unmasked existed. He wondered how long it had been since Vader had been touched by another person.

 _I am curious about you as well_ , Vader/father’s voice said. _I often dreamed of what our child might have been..._

Vader's thought faded as he clamped down hard on his shields, but he saw flashes of unbidden memories. Father had not entirely shielded it from him: a girl in a white dress racing a speeder, brown braids flying in the wind; a blond boy quietly studying a moisture vaporizer. The first had been mere fantasy but the second...He had lived that, had fantasized about a father figure who had helped him from incurring Uncle Owen's wrath for taking apart a machine that he had only wanted to understand... 

Luke suspected they both realized the awful truth in one devastating moment; Vader's hands abandoned his chin and his own fell, both standing limply and aware of all that they had wanted; twenty years of longing... and a comprehension that this was not their first meeting through the force, nor was it likely to be there last.

Neither breathed for a long second.

Then, Vader’s arms were around him in an instant, wrapping him in a hideous bear hug, so tight he could barely breathe even in the dream... And Vader _wasn't_ blocking his emotions, perhaps he couldn't, or perhaps _wouldn't_ , but either way, the overwhelming sadness was roiling over him, boiling him, so overwhelming that he could not breathe it. The skies ahead began to rumble and Luke knew, instantly, that he had to wake up, that if he stayed one more moment he could cross over, that he could fall, that he might not bear to leave...and Leia was still counting on him, and he could not let _her_ go.

If this was Vader's dream, could he wake up if he blocked the contact? Vader had blocked some of his emotions from him but not all of them, and he found it hard to believe that the dark lord had perhaps meant for him to see such things - unless there was no choice. 

 _Father_ , he ground out mentally and the answering call came almost instantly.

 _Son!_   Vader called back, voice full of longing. With shaking hands Luke pushed away. It felt almost painful, and he knew he was falling. 

 _Father.. can you show me...?_ He asked, mentally drawing an image of a shield. Vader looked at him a long moment before nodding; he had a frown that suggested he knew all too well what Luke was planning. But Vader transmitted an image, a concave filter of a sort; think of _this and reflect_ , the voice whispered. 

He followed the instructions, instantly wrapping his thoughts in the concave shield and felt himself moving away. It was working, working! But he could still see Vader's face watching him until the moment he awoke, dripping with sweat, in what had once been Obi-Wan's hovel. 

\- - -  

Leia was already awake, sitting at a table drinking caf. She poured a second cup and passed it to him, and he smiled.

Leia knew him what he needed better than he knew himself. 

"Looked like an intense dream," she noted.  "You've been tossing around for a while."

"Sorry," he said. "Hope I didn't wake you."

He felt a familiar presence tapping on his newfound shields but reflected it back towards Vader. He was not yet ready, the emotions still too raw. There was a humanity to Vader he had not imagined, a goodness — or at least a pitiful humanity — buried deep within. They would meet again, soon, he knew — and for the first time he wondered if Vader could be lured to his side if Luke did not fall to Vader's. 

"No," she said. "I was just debating if I should wake you. Was it a nice dream?"

"No." He shivered. "Well...not a bad one.  Just...overwhelming. I dreamt of my father." 

"I did too," she said, squeezing his hand. "The past has a way of making ghosts for trouble." One of Leia's favorite Alderanian sayings, and one he couldn't help but find apt.

He thought of Ben, shining in the swamps of Dagobah and knew he would return to Dagobah when this was over. If Vader's longing could be used to bring him to the light side...

He shook his head. That would have to wait. Leia's eyes were on her hands and he knew she was thinking of Han. 

"Have you ever seen a ghost?" He asked, the question unexpected enough to anchor her back to reality. He smiled into his caf as Leia leaned back, preoccupied with the question. 

"I thought so when I was small. There was this man...he would appear sometimes while I was working on my speeder and just...watch me." Her eyes looked away. "I think he was a Jedi from how he was dressed. He always seemed very sad."

Luke nearly choked on his caf. Had Vader been watching Leia as well? _But why?_   Another question for Yoda- if Yoda would still provide him answers. 

But they would deal with their ghosts later.

Han needed them; Leia had ahead suited up in her disguise and Luke didn't need the force to know she was eager to get started. He could only hope that he would not prove necessary; he was eager now, more than ever, to get back to Yoda, to finish his Jedi training.

For now, he would walk her towards Jabba's and hope their ghosts did not follow.

**Author's Note:**

> I based Anakin's looks pretty heavily on his look during a force-bond conversation from, of all places, _Star Wars: Infinities: Empire:_
> 
> I'm not much of a fan of the Suitless Vader look, but I figured mentally he probably wouldn't project himself as the armor when he's having a nightmare of events that occurred when he was Anakin. I also wanted to show part of the conflict that is growing inside of him by the fact that he _isn't_ just the armor, as he so often appears in his own mind in the Darth Vader comics; Anakin, here, is coming close to acknowledging that he and Anakin are the same person, and Anakin isn't simply another person Vader killed in the process of becoming the mechanical monster he is now.


End file.
